A Helping Paw
by laurose
Summary: ...from Momoe-san's cat. Pairing Schu/Aya . Warning: not only the cat is fluffy


disclaimer: Weiss belongs to Koyasu Takehito, Project Weiss and others

beta'd by Sybil Rowan

___

_Tunaday_

Green Jacket is lurking behind the dustbins again.

I trot over to him. Green Jacket always has the nicest treats in his pocket. He gives them to me, and I don't meow. Humans are not the brightest creatures around, but they can understand that.

Green Jacket mutters words like 'extortion' and hands over the kitty treats. I purr politely and sit on the cleanest surface I can find, his shoes.

First I thought Green Jacket was going to fight my humans for their territory. They saw him once or twice and acted as if they were defending territory. But Green Jacket just ran away and came back later.

He wasn't after the food in the bins, either, though some of it's tasty.

I didn't let him bribe me into silence until I saw Green Jacket wasn't after their territory or my snacks. After all, I have principles.

Then I thought Green Jacket was hiding from something. But he doesn't smell scared. And he's only there when my four younger humans are.

I think Green Jacket is like Gingersnap. Gingersnap likes toms the way most toms like queens. I think Green Jacket likes one of my humans. They're the prettiest humans around. After all, they're mine.

If it's Smoky, I'm sorry for Green Jacket. Smoky likes queens. If it's Fluffy, I'll rescind being bribed and scratch Green Jacket – hard. Fluffy's not old enough for this type of nonsense. I'm a grandmother, and I should know.

I hope it's Red. Red needs something in his life besides his sword. Those visits where he comes back smelling like the vet's and looking licked to a splinter aren't good for him. Maybe he wouldn't have to go to the vet's so much with Green Jacket.

I strop against Green Jacket's ankle and give him a purr for good luck. "Thanks," he says absently, then slaps his own head and mutters about talking to dumb animals. He must be remembering somewhere else.

Talking to dogs_ is _stupid. They'll agree with whatever a human says.

_Minceday_

It _is_ Red. Having a large human in a bright green jacket loitering around his dustbins isn't something Red could miss for long. Red storms out to chase Green Jacket away, holding his sword low, screened by his body from anyone looking in the street. Green Jacket talks to him.

He doesn't do it well. Smoky is very successful, and he doesn't talk to his queens about cool water and shade in desert. Why doesn't Green Jacket say something complimentary? I could scratch him.

Understandably, Red sends Green Jacket away. He goes as far as the next street. I follow him and strop against the nearer ankle.

He says, "I might as well give up."

I nudge the same ankle with my head.

He looks down and sees the dead mouse I'm holding. He says, "Very nice. I'm giving them up for Lent."

Even allowing for the fact that, by his smell, Green Jacket has never been properly trained by a cat in his life, this is obtuse. I scratch the ankle. It makes me feel better, anyway.

He passes the sort of remarks to be expected. I am big spirited about this sort of thing and overlook it. After all, he can scarcely be expected to rise to feline standards. Then he looks at me again. "You think I should give him a mouse?"

_Chickenday_

Chickenday is often awful. If I was a human, I'd say it was unlucky. My feline intelligence, however, looks for the cause. And I decide it's because Chickenday has more fangirls for longer times. Virgo must be in opposition, or something.

Anyway, why ever they choose to crowd the shop, they make the boys worse. Smoky goofs off more. Red is snarlier. Bounce is so flustered fending them off he gets all clumsy. Fluffy gets strained from being cheerful and friendly to so many at once. And this Chickenday is worse.

First I think there are more fangirls than usual. The reason they are so overwhelming is they're pressed in by an influx of customers. We often get an extra lot of customers on Chickenday. But never anything like this one. It's even worse than Blasted Valentine's Day.

The customers come in. And they keep on coming in. They all want flowers. Any flowers.

Before things get too bad I hear my humans ask each other if there was any big funeral or something on. None of them know of one. And then things get so crowded, no one has time to ask anything. Even Momoe-san is helping.

They sell out every bit of stock. They even use _my catnip_ as a bouquet garnish.

At first I quite like the extra attention. According to the latest calculations, ten per cent of the gross customer mass is natural cat cooers, and twenty per cent of the females (which is at least seventy five percent) make up to me to look good to male sales staff, add the mimetic factor as increasing this by 1.7 and the stuck-in-line factor as increasing that by...I run out of whiskers then. But the answer is a lot. Too many, just then.

From my vantage point the front is a solid mass of shoes, the smallest and lightest able to casually crush a paw or tail. I go into the back. That's all large grabby hands moving me so they could get something or somewhere.

The back is pretty devastated too. All those lovely dangly ribbons and that scrunchy paper gone. Even the flowers used to carry them gone. Nothing but piles and piles of silly yen notes.

Red has been to the vet's again, but he isn't back smelling just of the vet's. He has a whiff of Green Jacket. Though not, frankly, as much as I or Green Jacket want.

Smoky and Bounce are watching television. I don't know why they won't get us a real aquarium. Much more interesting programmes. Fluffy is playing with what he fondly believes a mouse. I bring him real ones, but it hasn't sunk in yet. Red doesn't go to his room. He walks over to Fluffy and talks with him. Smoky butts in, making lots of the barking noise which goes to prove humans still have a long way to get up the evolutionary ladder.

_Sardineday: morning_

Green Jacket really doesn't know much about courting. He's meeting Red at a place where humans go to drink their black drink.

Never court anyone in a public place. Humans will throw water on you.

Red comes back dry, but I've noticed he can be very quick on his feet when needed. He doesn't say what he and Green Jacket said to each other, but he says he'll be with his sister. That's when he comes back smelling of the vet's. This time he looks haggard even before he goes.

When he's gone the other three of my younger humans shake their heads at each other. Smoky says, "What he needs is a young woman. When Schuldig sees her he'll realise he can't be interested."

Bounce says, "He'll probably think Aya just needs to be shown what he's missing. What we need is a young man." The other two look at him. "Hey, I was in professional sport, not a monastery."

Fluffy says, "I've got a better idea."

Smoky asks, "A sheep?"

Fluffy says, "No. Tickets to some walking tour group. When Schuldig realises they'll be spending Aya-kun's days off hiking he'll back off right away."

Bounce says, "What if he doesn't?"

"Then at least we get Schuldig back packing through the Japanese Alps."

While they're contemplating this vision Momoe-san looks meaningfully at me. Time to apply feline intelligence to the problem.

_Sardineday: night_

Green Jacket is in my dustbins again!

Well, not actually in them. Just drooping over them in a manner to cause the maximum possible obstruction. He has hung up his green jacket on the rusty guttering overhanging the dustbins and look as if he's decided to set up house.

I trot over to him and look him in the eye. He hands me a rather stale treat with a listless air. "Though you might as well tell Weiss I'm here. I feel they know."

I eat the treat to be polite and jump down to behind the middle dustbin. There is a small crack there he's been standing on. I sniff at it and look meaningfully at Green Jacket, then jump up onto the roof edge out of the way.

He looks hopeful. That's one thing humans share with us. A young tom is almost unsquelchable. He gets on his hands and knees to peer into the crack.

I push the whole guttering down onto him.

Don't mention it. Anything for a friend.

Leaving him lying there, I sit conspicuously on the roof, peering down. Red comes out to look.

Red takes him inside. For a little I watch him fussing over Green Jacket on the couch, then I realise someone else might get into my neglected dustbins before I do.

I'm about to leave when Smoky comes in with a young woman. "Aya, this is Eiko. She likes music and poetry and is..." Smoky's jaw sags and his cigarette falls out. It could set fire to the carpet for all Smoky cares but Eiko stamps it out. House proud. I like that.

Then Bounce comes in with a young man. He is not talking when he enters so he has the breath for a "Whatthehell?"

The young man says, "Is this him?"

Bounce says, "Well, it _looks_ like him. Where's Omi?"

Smoky says, "Yes. He should come in with those walking tour tickets just now." They look at the door hopefully. Eiko says she likes walking tours too. She is looking at Red. Red looks back. Then he gets Green Jacket a glass of water.

The strange young man says _he _likes walking tours. He and Eiko smile at each other. When they leave Smoky and Bounce don't really notice. They're asking Red if he did this.

Green Jacket sips at the water, with an air of suffering bravely born. He says, "The cat attacked me."

They look at each other. Smoky says dismally, "Crawford's going to blame this on us. I just know it."

_Turkeyday_

With lots and lots of treats!


End file.
